Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
