i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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