Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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