yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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