You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
