she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
