Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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