He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
