did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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