But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
