someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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