clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
