it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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