my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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