hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
