apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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