eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
