I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
honey bunches of taint.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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