oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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