So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
