You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
