just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
