Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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