I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
