I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
