I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
