If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
