clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
