I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
