don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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