take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just found puke in my bra..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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