I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
