your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
