I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
