All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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