She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
