I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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