I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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