Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
