Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
