Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
