I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
