Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
