WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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