When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
