so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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