Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
