i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
