Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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