...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Someone shit on the floor
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
